Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
