Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
