so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
