bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
