Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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