You made me cry and you don't even care
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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