I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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