just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
