my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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