genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
