drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
