so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
