we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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