Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
