i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
