ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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