i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
