You just made me feel so damn special
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I understand Curling. That high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
