dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
