gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im holly from the hills drunk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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