she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
