what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
