I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
