OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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