you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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