Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
