Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
