My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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