Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
