I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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