How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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