well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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