I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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