how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
