I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
