Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize