There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
