No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
