from now on my penis is your penis
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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