Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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