I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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