eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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