This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
