Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This baby is an asshole
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
