go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
