It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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