I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize