I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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