I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
