Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
