my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it hurts more in the daytime
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
