in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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