i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
