its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize