I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
