three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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