I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
