Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
