Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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