Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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