I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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