If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
