I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
