Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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